The At Bat (Catharsis)

 As most of the people who know my family are aware, my daughter was diagnosed with late stage Cancer at the young age of 14.  She had been tired for a long time and just not acting the same.  She went to see the doctor multiple times and after months of no answers, we finally heard the dreaded words that no parent wants to hear. ¨Your daughter has cancer¨

Some back story on my daughter.  She was always a very competitive and powerful pitcher and hitter in baseball and in softball wherever she played on the field you would never want to test her arm.  Shortly after she was cut from the modified team, which was an absolute shock, as she was in the top 5 of all female student athletes in her school and in softball hands down.  She worked her ass off just for a couple mediocre coaches to pic kids with connections over her.  Her friends said she did awesome at the tryouts and they were just as surprised.  I mention this because this was right before we found out she had cancer, so even with the struggles she was having with her body she still gave it everything she had.  

I remember being extremely frustrated and a reaction I have never had came out and I punched a wall that immediately gave me a broken hand.  I could not feel the pain through the anger of my daughter being screwed over by the coach that she had learned to trust and admire.  

Fast forward a couple years after an incredible fight against cancer.  My daughter was invited to be a honorary member of the Alfred University Softball team.  This was one of the best D3 teams in the nation at the time with some incredible players and an amazing coaching staff.  They allowed her to take some swings against some heat throwing pitchers and even after what cancer had done to her she still had that drive to be the best.  She was able to hit off of these pitchers (not bombs, but good contact).

Another fast forward.  My daughter was now back at school, but still struggling with an abundance of issues caused by the very poison that saved her life.  She worked extremely hard to make the Varsity softball team at her high school and she had a coach that cared about all of his players.  She had not had an at bat in a couple years and she was ready, trust me.  The team was getting beat pretty bad and it was in the later innings, the pitcher for the other team was on fire.  Finally I see my daughter grab a helmet and her bat.  My heart started pounding and my emotions grabbed me up and consumed me in this moment.  Everything was in slow motion.  She gets up to the batters box and the pitch comes in, she hits it hard and it flies deep to left field about ten feet away from the wall it as caught in the air and she was out.

After the out I was crying along with my wife, not because she got out, but because she was able to do something that she never thought she would be able to do again just a couple years prior.  Coming from near death and a plethora of issues she endured, she was able to swing that bat and hammer the ball into the outfield.  As she was going back to her dugout I met her at the entrance where we embraced and I cried like a baby.  While in this embrace I looked up and seen her coach near third base wiping tears from his eyes.  If I could explain the feeling at that point in time, I would, but I honestly can´t.  NEGU was and is a part of our lives.  Never Ever Give Up!  That at bat was the most important of her life and will always be remembered as the day she stepped back up to the plate after beating late stage cancer.  Just like she smacked that ball she smacked cancer and is now 23 and living her life in college.  I love her and the drive she has to succeed no matter what.

Catharsis (Senior Night)

The feelings that I had running through me were both real and artificial due to the many painkilling chemicals I had running through my body.  I remembered the week before at my son´s football game thinking that is was senior night, which is usually a great moment for parents and the student athletes alike, but for me it was much different.  I could barely walk with my cane and I was at the highest weight I had ever been do to many different factors.  At this particular time I was suffering with a severe chronic infection in my legs.  My legs were destroyed and all of the nerve endings were exposed.  Just feeling a breeze across my legs would bring me to tears.  Turned out that senior night was the following week and once I heard that I felt relieved, because I´m not sure if I would have been able to walk the field with my son.  I just was not physically able and more than that, I was not mentally prepared.  I was worried about the pain, but even more so what everyone would think when they seen this big fat guy with wrapped legs and a cane struggling to walk 40-50 yards with his son.

Please understand that I was going through a very tough time physically and emotionally and had my own demons to battle each second I was awake.  So the next week comes and its senior night, but this time it was 100% senior night.  I remember thinking to myself at home how proud I was of my son, but at the same time I had this very dark feeling of being seen as weak and pathetic.  This was trumping my feelings for my sons senior night, which now I feel horrible for thinking that way, but at the same time my fears were warranted from my past experiences and how I was feeling physically.  I went from being the coach to the spectator and from sitting at the top of the stands to the very bottom because I just could not do the stairs anymore.

When it came time for all the parents to line up with their student athletes I was anxious, sweaty, in pain, on painkillers, and again worried about what people would think of me.  This was a very hard thing to go through and to most it may not seem like a big deal, but you had to be me at that particular time and situation to understand.  For years, as I have mentioned in a previous Catharsis post, I would hear people giggle, talk about my size, and I would be embarrassed at restaurants that only had booths available because I was too big to sit in them.

Back to the field, standing there in pain with my son I was feeling like I was a freak show, but I knew I had to walk with him.  It seemed like we were standing there forever in the staging area and I felt numerous times that I wasn't going to be able to stand much longer.  Then the names started being called in alphabetical order.  One after another parents were walking across the field with their student athlete, the closer it came to my sons name being called the more anxious I got and the more pain I felt.  My sons name was called and we started walking.  At that moment I could not feel pain, I was just looking at the smile on my sons face as he walked with his parents on senior night.  I hugged him and he went to the locker room to get ready for the game.  Walking back up to the stands I wanted to cry in pain and because I was so proud of my son.  It did not help at this time that my testosterone levels were shot and my emotions were all over.  Regardless, I did it!  If I wouldn't have I would have regretted it for a very long time. 

This is just a moment in time that I found out that I was much stronger than I felt.  What gave me strength was the love for my son and knowing that walking next to him was his mom and dad.  He seen it no other way, which I wish I could have beforehand.  Never let fear and pain overtake the love for your children.  Its not really a lesson, it was just a crappy time that I needed to share.  Many more to come, and don´t worry, they are going to get better, some worse, but ultimately better.  Thank you again for reading my blog, it truly means a lot.  Do not worry about the punctuation, or do, whatever.  Thank you :)

Because

“Once a love loses the ability to be jealous in any capacity, they lose the ability to love in depth and whole.  Lust, jealousy, infatuation, daydreaming the perfection of that love are all ingredients for the truest of love.  For this love to be solid and un-breaking, both must sacrifice regular emotions and succumb to the feelings that their love is special beyond all boundaries and must be treated as such.  Without maintenance from the heart the building will soon fall into disrepair.”

Something about me (Catharsis)

 I haven't told a ton of people about the struggles I went through over the past few years.  There are a lot of things I have kept to myself out of fear of judgement.  I have been a big man for the majority of my life and have always been gawked at or discluded from things because of my size.  From having children point and laugh to people calling me fat or whispering hurtful things under their breath without having any clue about me, the human they are picking on or calling names.

This may come as a surprise to some that I have been in this situation, because for the people that know me well, they know I am kind and would do anything I can to help someone in need, even if I have nothing.  I consider myself a very simple person with a very small circle of trust.  Sometimes even your circle can close in on you and make you feel uncomfortable, but those should be the people that you can talk to and work anything out with.

I am not looking for any type of sympathy in any way shape or form, but what I am doing is sharing my experiences and how I was made to feel during certain situations.  A lot of these situations have been based around my size alone and others around the health issues I have fought over the past few years.  When I say hurtful i´m talking about a direct hit to the heart and soul of who I am.  Some of these things I will talk about will sound very minuscule to some, but for those that have been in my shoes and those who have been in the shoes of the aggressor, they will know exactly what i´m talking about.

This is just an introduction to what I hope will turn out to be a very positive and enlightening experience for all who read this.  It is my hope that by sharing a lot of the situations that I have been in and or seen others go through will open the eyes and hearts of everyone who shares in the emotions of hurt and the feeling of enlightenment.

Thank you for reading this intro to what I intend to be not only a good read, but something beautiful as well.

Have a great day!  Love yourself and then focus on the ones that make you feel loved.

The Driver of Your

Sensational and Inspirational,

To the senses we choose to keep full,

Its not a hard decision to think with precision,

Its not like you're trying to reinvent the wheel,

We wake up and automatically know how we feel,

Take the world into your mind,

Amazing things you will find your kind,

Where there is no forward or behind and if you choose you can always rewind,

Today is your day and there is nobody that can take that away,

For in your mind you are the master of your journey,

Where its perfectly fine to represent yourself without an attorney,

Take your time to make your own story and this will show you your personal glory,

Keep out the negative and the thieves of your happiness,

Your time is your time and that is the greatest of strengths and all that you need,

You are your own destiny of all things you seek,

Sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes, but you are not weak and everyone knows,

Stick to your belief in everything good,

Block out the negative like everyone should,

You can do this you´ve made it this far,

You are your own chauffeur in your ¨its my life¨ car... 

You chose

 People need to know someone will listen.  You can only provide so much foundation until a person decides whether they want a mansion or a ditch.  We either value that we are alive or get busy feeling sorry for ourselves and focus on dying instead of living, because if you're still alive after or during hard times...that means you chose to live and that you have a worth to yourself and others!

The sight

No matter what race, color, or creed,

The simple fact is that everyone bleeds,

You may think differently than me,

But that doesn´t mean a thing,

If you love it and believe it 

we all can achieve it,

The positivity of togetherness,

If its good for the rest of us,

Some served and some didn't 

And others don´t get it,

The symbol for me may not be the symbol for you,

But i´ll still have your back because you´re human too,

The violence unneeded 

Some hearts are depleted,

Its those who need positivity seeded,

Think of a time when someone helped you,

And you thought to yourself, what would you do?

In the case of the man that seen I was stranded,

It didn't matter to him that I was disbanded,

A heathen he thought at first glance of me,

But the kindness in him threw no judgement you see,

He gave me a drink and even a dollar, 

So I could call home and give my dear mom a holler,

She told me to thank him, which I already did,

When I said thank you to him and what is your name,

He said no names needed here kid you´d have done the same,

The simple encounters of everyday man 

May one day save you so be good while you can...

Its your call

Scale the wall,

try not to fall,

get on the other side and you´ll have it all,

don´t ignore the call the talent we all saw.

take your time and do it right,

you´re not a fly by night,

you have a gift you have a sight,

There will never be success if you don´t fight,

Respect the people around you that support you,

reject the ones that try to distort you,

wake up every morning knowing you´re in,

you´re in another day, so let it begin,

the first breath you take of the morning air,

it can wash away the pain and start your self care,

don´t be like a beadle be like a bear,

You are your chauffeur of your own dreams and ambition,

Make your own path your own life tradition,

don´t be blind and hand out ammunition to the haters of all,

just keep pushing forward and let them take the fall,

you got what it takes and no one can take it,

you got this kid,

you´re gonna make it!  

My mind my time

Control the shadows in the corner,

Its your time to make the order,

Its up to you to make yourself or break yourself,

Fight through the demons that cling to your back,

Tell them to get off and disappear into their darkness!

You have to shed the hate and the fear and just renew who you are,

the path is yours but its up to you!

Its up to you to use your strengths that you keep to yourself,

Its up to you to make your path clear and push the obstacles off to the side,

They aren´t welcome to go on this ride,

Too long you've had to abide by the rules of everything around you,

Now you are realizing you are the rules that allow you!

Don´t let the fools with the fake personas control the life you deserve!

We all know they live off of credit cards and lies,

 and only hang out with their buddies their guys,

My last name is not made for ¨Itty¨ and I don´t ever want to fit into their committee,

These are the ones that raise their kids to think their better than their neighbor or their classmate that has the same assignment to make the grade for the state!

Back off with all that popularity crap! They are trying to step on everyone that is not in their pay-grade,

Its like you need bug spray for morons who think they have the jump on you because their kid starts with the talent-less genes of the masking of the painful means,

Their not special in any way!  They are like us but are afraid to say!

Take your neighbors hand and show them the way,

The way to the place where all our kids play,

no judgement, no fighting, no green screen to pretend you're in flight,

You know who you are trying to win the votes, 

You know who you are with the big fancy boats,

You throw out your lies and see to if we´ll bite,

and hopefully you have caught your limit by the end of the night,

How is that right?  Does that make you better to know that your deceptive ways have only made waves in your little spot where if you're nothing you're not! 

Your path you took early has ended in rot!

Its up to you, yeah what do you got!

Take all your talents and put them together and get your ass going on a personal endeavor,

This is for me to make what I can, If nobody likes it ill stick to the path,

The views that I get,

 about the words that I say,

 will hopefully inject everyone with hope and motivate,

I've been in the darkness and now I am out,

Its up to you to stand up and shout ¨Hey i´m Here!¨,

I faced death and beat it, 

I ate the pills that were made to deleted it, 

but all it really did was open the drain,

I threw in the plug and started my journey,

I´ll never go back to that place its too dirty,

Yes I can rant and bitch and complain because i´m a new man and i´m here to lay claim!

Its up to me, the Taurus.

yes soon they'll all adore us,

and pull themselves out,

to see that there is life when you carry no doubts..

Intentionality

The propensity for intensity,

Is nothing short of what we see,

Is humanity reality or is it just catastrophe,

Indecency of equality brings out the demons for all the free,

Can’t we be what we see or even ever have what we need,

Do we bleed to simply breed or do we plant the sympathy seed,

Can’t imagine what would be if everyone had a visual plea,

Is it you or is it me the dawning of the life to be,

Taking back from what was had, 

There’s no reason for feeling bad,

I’m screaming inside,

The demons of pride,

The excuses of the evening died,

Breaking through the intention of your own inventions,

I’m dreaming in nightmares with exceptional intentions,

The view of what we see is nothing short of what’s to be,

Never mind the emptiness it’s up to us to forge the rest!

Sickened

 Redemption is the intention of no exception,

Take it or leave it or leave it to who ever believes in the resurrection,

Its just an extension of the the perception of attention,

The pages of the ages written by the unknown rages,

The people think they're free but are brought up in cages, 

The biggest illusion for all of the ages,

The mages slinging spells in intense blackout stages,

The reasons for the real and the war styles courageous,

Deceiving the disbelieving for indecent wages,

Reasons for achieving the battling courageous,

You won the biggest metal for a lifetime of nightmares,

Just hoping the people that appreciate your struggles actually care,

Never enough to thing things are fare,

You sit in the corner with a blank deadened stare,

Relieving the deceiving and others disbelieving,

The dreams that you once had are blackened and screaming,

The funny thing is that they all see the streaming,

But the deadness inside the orb spiders weaving,

Whats said and done inside me is leaving,

Its okay to be open about everyone grieving,

The what nots of this and that are retrieving,

The ultimate intention of the fire i´m breathing,

Its okay now the covid is leaving....

Arbor

The beauty of the trees that most will never see,

The wind against the branches and the needles advances the pine cone dances,

Cicadas all about and with their buzzing shout,

The liberty I get from that beautiful tree,

I talk to it and touch it and tell it I love it,

I watch the sap drip all from above,

That is the pine tar that sticks to the glove, 

The birds that are singing and nesting in that tree,

For over 120 years of it’s amazing history,

I sit underneath talking to the Cernunnos,

The protector of the the forest we have all before us,

There are many things that he will say,

Most of the time it’s simply just enjoy your day,

From under with the beautiful tree nymph Dryads,

We stare at the clouds and speak of the shapes,

The artistry of the gods and the masterpieces they make,

The peace and the quiet I get from that spot,

Is special to me whether you get it or not…

Could Would Can

Is there ever a better time than the time we have now,

Do we need to remember the why nots and what hows,

Can I look at the trees without being pleased,

Would you ever understand the tides of the seas,

Could we ever live life without the life givers the bees,

Do we know why or when, where, or how,

Does your sidewalk get covered by the passing snowplow,

Do you dig it back out for a trail for the cows,

Or do you follow the sheep like Little Bo Peep,

Is our morning coffee a life giving treat,

Why do we wear our shoes on our feet,

To walk on a street all clustered with cars,

To watch the enchanting midnight stars,

Do we have reasons for liking the seasons,

Or are we all just a bunch of realistic Heathens,

The moon and the sun,

The flowers that we see,

All of this is beautiful to me,

Can we agree to disagree on the most simple of issues,

Or do we keep going and hand out some tissues,

Does Mickey Mouse make everyone smile,

Or do most think it’s better to ponder a while,

Did the Egyptians ever sink their thoughts in the Nile,

Was it ever accepted to give a sieg heil,

Or was it a trend, oh just for a while,

Do people get mad when the styles are changing,

Or do we partake in the frantic rearranging,

All we know now is the times they are changing,

But that’s not for me,

I’m comfortable exchanging,

The thoughts may be different in everyone’s mind,

But we’ll do this together,

Because were one of a kind…

Morning

 Its the morning,

No red sky no warning,

The peepers they peep and the cicadas start singing,

The bees are about,

They like my strong coffee,

It will sting them if they don´t back the F off me,

Not really, I like them,

they bring us the beauty,

of the earth and the flowers we stare at for hours,

I smell the morning air with a hint of fertilizer,

It doesn't bother me it just makes me wiser,

I look at the world in so many ways,

And all I can say is I hope it all stays,

The silence the sounds,

they're all the same thing,

I love the start to this amazing morning,

I hear the birds now and they are a singing,

Its better they do than me id be whaling,

Sitting in the sounds of silence,

no signs of the worlds violence,

it puts me in a trance to have a never ending dance,

The perception of beauty as all of our own,

Have a good day and enjoy the silence of the morn...

Regiven

 Extending their hand to the masses,

not making them get off of their asses,

looking for nothing but their free passes,

The others we do the work,

so all of the others can mooch off the people elected to cheat you,

Don´t accept a free handout,

it makes you a standout,

and a puppet to the machine that will drain your pockets clean,

It may sound mean to those that haven't seen the fallout from the call out,

They'll get you no doubt,

Exposing yourself to the weakness of now,

Not even caring to even learn how,

They'll promise the world in the beginning,

because their goal is just winning,

Then they will lie and they'll cheat and cut of your feet

for taking whatever they've given,

everybody needs to see that without each other were weak,

together we can take the land back and see if forgiving is still part of living,

We are the power that rebuilt the towers,

we are the peasants that broke away from a king,

we are the people and that should mean something,

especially for those that came back to nothing,

United we stand, 

Divided we fall,

this is the country that overcomes all...

Journey to the Void

 I seen myself laying there with my legs all f*cked up,

looking again I seen the mutilation, 

that caused the pain and the burning sensation,

the pain became worse with the nephropathy´s thirst,

so I took more and more until I was numb to the core,

Id pop them and crush them,

snort them and rush them into my brain,

where it started to turn me insane,

I stayed up nights sleepless and worked clay with my hands,

I would search the web for videos of bands,

Id cover the mirror to rid the vision of inferior,

Death became a game and came calling my name,

I didn't care if he took me or not,

Id snort more and would drift to the places I needed,

to steal the grip of realities trip,

but after a while I ran out of it,

A drug so deceiving it leaves your mind weaving,

and if id continued my friends and family´d be grieving,

I cared about no one, especially myself,

or so I thought with the white pills help,

I sat on the edge of my bed and was crying,

I felt that was it I was actually dying,

My family my friends they cared and they pleaded,

for me to get the help that I seriously needed,

I finally went to get help,

to the place that I needed,

there I excised the demons I seeded,

In just a short time I started to see,

That my journey wasn't over thanks you trinity,

I couldn't see family and could only talk to them briefly,

In a room by myself I read a good book,

that kept my mind off of that hell that I took,

I checked myself out where my family was waiting,

and began my new life without destroying my meaning,

It took a long time to heal and actually feel better,

I got back to work and was better than ever,

With the voices of the friends and the family I love,

Their hands altogether gave me that shove,

Back to reality I went with no looking back,

now Im sharing this void,

this time not enjoyed,

dont feel sorry for me,

Im here and I see,

the future is bright,

I am my own light,

never to be snuffed again,

by the crushed powder dragon,

that once snuck me in,

okay, thats enough,

its time to begin...   

Urgency

The expectation of reincarnation is waning,

The thoughts and the worries are utterly draining,

You can only hear so much about the training of the mind and the explanation of time before we figure out our lives are simply a hilarious crime,

Of humanity the sanity, 

Can raise the deep questions of the urgency of life and all the exceptions,

There’s not much time in this life to act on your passions, 

But we are forced to be in tune to the ridiculous fashions,

Emergency now,

The urgency is here,

The only thing stopping you is your own fear,

If you don’t do it soon,

You’ll never know,

Just do it dammit!

Don’t be late to the show!

Urgency is real and there never is timing,

It’s all in the mind,

And we think too much,

The worries about others can’t be a crutch,

Do it now or be dreaming forever,

Until your last breath you think of whatever,

The urgency of life is light like a feather,

Take that step, 

Out of your zone,

Do something now to make life your own…

Believe in the what

 Hey, hows it goin,

I cant tell by the look you're showin,

yuh better think twice before you break the ice,

If you cant swim that wont be nice,

The water you need,

The humans lay seeds,

The seasonal transition of the unfortunate bleeds,

The people pray to steeples with no answer back,

Get your head straight there aint no one god lookin back,

If there was would the pain be so insane from the family hes slain,

Or the cancer and diseases he spreads on our lands,

He reduces populations and puts fear into nations,

With all of the feeling and dread filled sensations,

The earth, now that is power,

It beckons to our needs every waking hour,

It showers the masses,

And fills our glasses.

Even after your messiah has kicked your asses,

Take notice in the trees, the oceans, the wind, the fire, the lighting, and the stars we gaze in,

Its these energies we should believe and never will we plead,

Take your thoughts and your differences and settle with kindness,

This is the way we end the blindness,

To put all the fears and the hate,

 FOREVER behind us!

Thoughts

Your thoughts,

My thoughts,

His thoughts,

Her thoughts,

Some thoughts,

All thoughts,

No thoughts,

Together thoughts,

Forever thoughts,

And even some never thoughts,

Good thoughts,

Bad thoughts,

Happy thoughts,

Mad thoughts,

The thoughts of the brain can be intense and insane,

Sometimes our thoughts get us pumped for the game,

No thoughts the same,

No thoughts are lame,

A thought is a thought no matter the lane,

You may have thought about that tree over there,

Does the tree think that you think about its powerful stance,

Does the trees thoughts of rain put it into a trance for a while,

Or does the tree think that rain is just cramping its style,

We can think of all thoughts as just thoughts and what nots,

But the true thoughts are still thoughts even if they are just long shots,

Short thoughts and quick thoughts can be as big as not yet thoughts,

As long as that thought is a thought,

that's what is counting and matters,

What are the thoughts of a bug before its life splatters,

Is the thought of the worm on the end of a hook,

Is it the same as the fish from its aromas it took,

They all are amazing,

Even thoughts from a cow when they are out grazing,

I know I will think and have thoughts forever,

Its been fun talking about our true thoughts endeavor,

I know one things for sure,

My thoughts will be clever forever….

Lay it Out

A what if is no longer on the table. 

The plan should be instead of thinking of what could have been,

 Think of what will be,

Rethinking your what if’s into a new path where you can once again put them in front of you is key, 

If we quit reaching we quit living,

Randomly you message me,

Telling how it’s gotta be,

Knocking down the relativity of exceptionality for the frailty of the old man under the apple tree drop from gravity,

Newton it had to be,

Who else would yuh rather see,

A physicist for the empathy of the intrepid reality of what make things be,

It does not matter if its a rock or a tree,

its truth and virtually everything that we see...

The Rope of Lift

Exception to the rules,

the insidious fools,

Hiding like a troll that uncontrollably druels,

There is nothing to the consumption,

Stop right there or ill jump them,

Trying to cut the rope to end anothers hope,

Dropped em to the ground and still couldn't be found,

Bound for the reason it was made in the season,

To this is for the being of knowing and seeing,

An eruption of corruption,

In this country I´ve got some,

Cant imagine the construction of the induction of the criminal injunction,

Did too much and know you cant function,

The campfire burns like gases of fire and desire,

All to the same it is just a flame,

With nothing to take shame in the aiming of game,

The among and the blaming from the top of the mountain,

A brick to their face to cause a blood fountain,

Told them not to cross the line but again it happened another time,

Now that is there and the space is nowhere

A lot to ponder to the thinker that wonders...

 

Fresh Breath

Beyond the dreams of reality lie the feelings of my frailty,
Acceptance of the modern me are perceived the bridges to my sanity,
The living to do the right thing has caught up to me,
The aching in my heart brings the infinity reactions of the world I've built around me,
Loving the ones from the blood of me,
In time I have become my worst enemy,
I search for the piece to bring back the whole me,
Did I pass that up,
The feeling to man up,
Just to realize I tricked myself into well f*ck it its good enough,
Will there be redemption in my weakness,
Shaking my head at this,
Have I found that flower of elusiveness,
Will I get past the fear of the effect of what was thought to be the rest of what is me,
Will I talk to the angel on a daily basis that just may have saved my life from me,
Will it drive me to insanity,
Will the deep blue eyes begin the best of me,
The smile of happiness that has brought my heart to me,
I will tread into the future with my whole life in front of me,
I owe the beauty that leads me to begin to be,
The acceptance of reality,
The journey of my heart will be,
The warm touch and embrace of the puzzle piece that completes me,
Holding her hand in mine,
Bringing a new adventure of love and life and all we'll find together,
No matter how dark or windy or how cold the weather can be,
My heart is skipping a beat when she talks to me,
Happiness has presented itself to me,
Tomorrow I begin the beautiful leap into infinity,
Thank you my sweet dear for helping me,
Complete again for all to see.....

That is That

The phantom arises with no big surprises,

The extension of attentions that quickly capsizes, 

Entering the digestions of the midnight suggestions,

Resting on the post of the lethal injection,

Come one come all to the life experience temperament ball,

Jungle sounds and crawling encrustations,

All which resemble the leaders of nations,

Quickly it burns as the churning is ignited,

Becoming the savior of the rest home excited,

The growling of puppets with knife dripping rules,

The snarling dog that glows in the dark drools,

Some lap it up like a crackhead with tools,

The things that I'm seeing are laughing and such,

Can't believe the nerve of the flip flop wood crutch,

It's simple in sound for which you were bound, 

And now it is time to lay on this ground, 

No more recollections of the glistening directions,

It's the end of my shift its time for infections....

This and That

What is the light without the dark,
What is a dog without it's bark,
What is a stadium without it's crowd,
Is the world ever heard,
Do you think it is loud,
Or is the sound of everything as soft as a cloud,
Can you have this without that,
Can you have water but no wet,
Can you breathe in the air but still have no breath,
Do you think the wind know from which, why, or from whence it blows,
Is the world round or still flat,
Or is to those that witnessed just that,
Can you yell all alone in a tirade of pain,
When you do is it it still pain,
Or do you need a witness to confirm that you're sane,
What is the frost without the mastery of cold,
What is the hot when the sun shines so bold,
Are the rays real or do you have to see,
The reason you may ask if you were a tree,
Can you still have a soul without extending your hand,
Or are you simply dismissed as the one that won't stand,
Questions are questions but at first they are thoughts,
But without someone listening life is just not,
Not to be done or even to end,
But to simply take over for yourself you defend....
   

Amongst the Thorns

          In a field of thorns there grows a simple but beautiful flower with the most stunning colors that Mother Nature could muster.  this particular flower has been growing for fifteen years, but early in the fourteenth year of growth in the infancy of Spring 2013, there was something different.  Looking at the amazing flower is something that everyone did.  Not because this was the only flower, but because this was the only flower amongst the thorns.  This is why we knew there was something different.  The colors were not as magnificent and instead of staying in bloom all day the once vibrant flower would only bloom for a few waking hours each day.  The flower was starting to droop and have an almost sad look to it.  After trying many different things to bring the color back to it's original glorious beauty, we finally discovered what was ailing her.  There were aphids all over her leaves and this is what was causing all of these horrible problems.  The solution was to introduce a few lady bugs to the flower.  The lady bugs found and fed on the nasty aphids  and after a while the lady bugs ate every last aphid.  The next Spring, the Spring of 2014, the beautiful flower was growing strong and once again popped her beautiful pink pedals high above the thorns.  Now she will only grow brighter and stronger from here on out.  If the aphids return, they best beware of the lady bugs waiting to make them their lunch to protect my beautiful daughter...

Tug-O-War

Exchange for the strange merely to rearrange the happening of the free roaming stranger,
The days get longer and the lights become neighbors to the night which once held the right,
Exceptional things happening in a brain that is electrified with the though of the is the was and the are nots,
Happening again is the traditional sin of the of the 19th century clown with the distorted grin,
Bumps in the night and things that aren't right and good things that trigger a fight,
Flash mob contained and all is okay for the oohs the ahs and all the hoorays,
Stranger it becomes as the time goes on,
 With the marksmanship strike from the staging death gripe,
Alliance and disorder makes a run for the boarder and some of the weirder things like a fishing boat transporter,
Nearing the was and the is and the and then all the writing ends with the loss of his hand,
The band becomes louder and the night has won again,
The day will now go back into hibernation....

Just Because

It's all about the haves and have nots,
the who's who of what's hot,
who cares about reality when deception is a frailty,
fragility and stability are curators of nobility,
exception to the rules changing the direction with your tools,
a snarling dog drools,
can't you see it you crazy ass fools?,
hooking up in the dimension of retention and the military men standing at attention,
breaking the rules again,
breathtaking reception with a snaggle toothed grin,
sit back relax and unwind the rewind of once was and were kind,
talking and stalking the exceptions to your mind,
it gets even better with age is what they say,
but who is they and why do they say?,
stretching beyond the point of returning,
it's churning and re-learning the thoughts in your mind,
that's because my words are one of a kind,
I say what I want and that's what I say,
just wanted to share my thoughts for the day...

Who really knows?

To the kingdom we go,
no matter the fight or what's left to show,
eventually it comes,
and you stand there and stare,
not wondering why,
but who brought you there,
the light is so bright and at the same time so warm,
you feel safe and happy for nothing you've scorned,
in a blinding light that leads to the divine,
the ending you wanted for all to be fine,
some don't believe,
if they don't are they done,
or will all be forgiven by the all holy one,
will there be questions that have to be answered,
or will all be ok for nothing you've tampered,
it's just a though for someone like me,
always what if or why do they see,
would I be shunned or would they hold out a hand,
to someone that was blind and had their head in the sand,
or what if I'm right and there is no light,
where will we go just off in the night?
there's things I believe and I do not push one,
is it just me or have we all won,
we have our own minds,
and for that we are free,
to believe what we want,
is a wonderful thing,
again I'm not saying that you cannot believe,
I am just saying what if we all leave.....

Isn't it strange

Isn't it strange how people stare into the nothing,
where the things that crawl are looking for something,
Isn't it strange the way the sky is blue,
when we know that beyond  there is nothing to do,
Isn't it strange how the snowflakes have shapes,
when we finally catch them on our tongue there's no taste,
Isn't it strange how a rainbow has colors,
and they all have the size and the end of no other,
Isn't it strange how fish they can breath,
while under the water with no help from me,
Isn't it strange how people we age,
and to come to the findings that we're all on a stage,
Isn't it strange how the earth has rotation,
with this we can't feel from even our nation,
Isn't it strange how we cry when were happy,
and then people they laugh because we are sappy,
Isn't it strange how we complain about snow,
then when the children they see it it's time for a show,
Isn't it strange how wars are fought,
it never is funny but they're the endless what not,
Isn't it strange how the water it flows,
and then when it storms oh how the wind blows,
Isn't it strange how the weeks are so long,
and we look forward to the two days at the end of the song,
Isn't it strange that this is so strange,
to only just say things,
Isn't it strange...

Enough

She awoke one morning with a glaze in her eyes,
she was fed up with all the deceit and the lies,
the pushing and shoving and the calling of names,
there is no more time for there hurtful games,
she pains and she suffers and no one can see,
that she is no longer considering this a place she must be,
if people would of just stopped and backed off,
the tension and the tears would be likely to wear off,
she went to her teachers and nothing was done,
all the mean kids at school were still having their fun,
she talked to her mom and still nothing was done,
and that's when she knew that they had all won,
the crying and sobbing and the feelings of dying,
were getting closer and closer for her to start trying,
the pain is within and no one can see,
that the friends that she wanted would just never be,
that night she laid in her bed,
with that glazed look again and that's what was said,
in the morning she awoke from a dreary nights slumber,
and she went off to school with her blank thoughts of wonder,
something was different for some reason she seen,
the kids were not picking and nor were they mean,
and then she looked down and saw herself wandering,
you see that night she laid down,
she swallowed some pills,
and her pain is all gone for now she is still.

This is something that thousands of school kids go through everyday.  We need to help them before this is their fate.  Bullying and picking may seem harmless but it all adds up.  Never ignore a child in need of your help.  Next time you see someone getting picked on or bullied step in and stop it.  This can be the difference between life and death in some cases.