I get it, but I don´t

 I get it, but I don´t, people saying that this new Jason Aldean country song is racist.  I do not like country music of any kind, but I did listen to this one.  As it is country I didn´t like it anyways, but I really didn´t see the racism that many are claiming.  I seen a bunch of rioters of all colors destroying property and taking advantage of a situation and took it way too far.  Protesting no, protesting with aggressive behavior and destruction of property by definition is rioting.  He says do that in a small town, because in small towns the people tend to stick to together to protect each other and the things they have worked all their lives for.  

In the cities the connection to your neighbors and fellow residents is not like it is in a small town.  In small sections of certain neighborhoods it may have that feel, but overall, the cities are more dangerous now than ever before.  This can´t be blamed specifically on the Democrats or Republicans, it must be blamed on both even when the Democratic party has the politically oppressive history in this country.  Its called American history for a reason, you all should learn it instead of trying to erase it.  We have history because it highlights the great times and the horrible times and helps us as a country not to repeat the horrible things.

Now, comparing this country song to an explicit song called WAP (wet ass pu**y) makes no sense.  They aren´t even close to talking about the same thing, and yuh know what, neither are malicious.  If you listen to the songs with no video, what would the message be?  Would one still be thought of as racist, probably not.  Would one still be explicit and inappropriate, absolutely, but not to everyone.  What I am getting at is that people will always perceive things differently and some of those people will push their views on others to get them riled up and looking for a reason to condemn.

I have a lot of Brown and dark skinned friends and I have never thought negative about any of them, and I hope the same is true back at me.  I do see where there should be conversations with each other to clear the air.  I mean, c´mon, we all know this started with the untimely death of George Floyd.  Its no mystery that this is when this BLM movement started, but the fact is to most Black lives have always mattered along with everyone else.  Life is precious and all matters.  We are segregating ourselves with stupid arguments and losing the vision of everyone sticking together in a storied country.  Of course there are other issues like illegal immigration, use of taxpayer funds for vote grabs by the politicians, child sex trafficking, a drug epidemic that is hitting every town in America.  Let us all stand up against this stuff to protect our country and not constantly be divided by stupid things.

All this push for LGBTQ+ is all good, but you can´t force people to have your beliefs and if they don´t agree with you, then they are automatically your enemy.  That is just childish and ignorant behavior.  This country is sliding backwards and not very many are thinking about our overall safety on a world stage.  You want to push hate, then you are the problem, you want to sue people for everything, then you are the problem, you want to talk bad about your country, then you are the problem, you want to turn a blind eye to sex trafficking and the drugs, then you are the problem, if you want to force your beliefs and push for the extraction of monuments and our history, then you are the problem.  If you don´t like what I have said here, then that is your right to think that way.  I get it, but I don´t....

Your You is Acceptance

 Take it as you will,

The thrill to fill the senses,

To be who you are and nothing but eccentric,

The person that knows you best is the heart inside your chest,

You feel, you see, you try to do your best,

You worry, you cry, you focus with your eyes,

Do you see the you that everyone else sees,

Or are you your own flavor of pie,

Do you listen to others when they don´t believe in you or their righteous mothers,

Do you look into the sky at night and snag the stars,

Do you do laps around the lunar round that´s right before your eyes,

Do you walk by a tree that has seen centuries and try to learn its story,

Catch the shade that mother earth has made,

Kick your feet up and know that you are worth the wait,

Observing makes you deserving of the secrets of the worthy,

Don´t be shy or look down when you have the chance to shine,

Don´t look away after a bully spits in your eye,

Take the rains of the given and turn it into your way of livin,

Teach the foe that has crossed your path and avoid a dark and gloomy aftermath,

Take the high road and show the way,

The power is in the words you say,

Eat the fruits of the trees and vines and notice the juices of natures find,

Charge your mind and ambition and throw away the ammunition,

What is war, a recognition?

Don´t settle for the worst that´s given,

Take the energy you have inside and shed the negative divide,

Its in your hands,

Don´t you blink,

It´ll be much easier than you think,

Accept the you..... 

Movement outside the window of a palace of hope and love

 Sometimes we sit down at a table and never look out the window,

Sometimes we bury our faces in our phones and don´t show and appreciation to what is around us or what we have,

Drinking a coffee in a familiar place for the last 23 years when times have been challenging I have learned to enjoy the true television that is looking out the window,

When I am here I have a whirlwind of thoughts and talk to very few people, maybe a couple friends, work related peeps, and family that know me,

People are quick to pass up the beauty of nature for something that dings or buzzes on their phone or computer,

So as I get back to the place I sit and admire the beauty and all the action beyond the window payne I start to notice even the smallest of things,

First a blue jay jumping from limb to limb looking around everywhere for a chance to fatten his belly for winter,

Then a Cardinal that has a specific agenda and that was to avoid being gulped down by a stray Tomcat prancing around the house grounds,

Behind all of this is the Erie Canal, something that ever since I could remember I have been extremely fascinated with,

The history in front of me through the glass window and right behind that the busy highway where people are trying to get to work and drivers are maneuvering through the puzzle of cars to deliver a package,

This time I see something bigger moving and its a huge fox, probably top three of the biggest I have ever seen in my life!  Its just trotting down an old barely used trail between the house and the Erie Canal trail right in the middle of all the city chaos on a mid Thursday morning in December,

Oddly enough it is more normal to see wildlife on the outskirts of the city than you would ever think.  There have been fox, deer, raccoons, fat squirrels red and gray, chubby chipmunks, a huge variety of birds and probably even some fish in the canal swimming by undetected like a submarine on a mission, oh yeah, and the occasional cyclist and walker oblivious to the animals merely feet away!

For over 23 years my family and I have been walking through the doors of this amazing place and for that same amount of time there have been the worst memories and some of the best regarding my children´s health, tense and sleepless nights the day before a surgery or another round of chemotherapy, tears of uncertainty and smiles only to make others around you have hope.  The many families and staff that have graced this place have all left a little bit of energy and for some the worst days of their lives when they show up as a family of three and crushingly go back home out the doors as a family of Two physically.  Mentally family is forever, but the hugs and kisses and the smiles you will be short of is the worst part of places like these.

As a young 20 year old I came here and now I´m 44, so in a sense I have spent over half of my adult life here on and off.  This is truly a home away from home and the friendships and bonds that you make while talking about your children over a family meal that has been prepared by caring volunteers is something that makes this place so special.  Even right now in the grand room near the entrance there is a beautiful lit Christmas tree with presents underneath for the children of the families that stay.  If there is a smile to be made, you can bet that the staff and families at the Ronald McDonald House in Rochester New York and the many volunteers will find that smile.

Be thankful everyday for what you have and the experiences you have had.  Good or bad these experiences build who you will be for the rest of your life.  I hope you take the good even from the bad and pay it forward to a family in need or a family that is unsure about the incredibly long and difficult path they are going to go through, sometimes multiple times down multiple paths.  I am proud of my children for always putting up the fight and so very happy that this wonderful place has been here for us and so many others.

My hope is that it will last forever, because we always need love in our lives, and hugs to secure our thoughts.

Thank you Ronald McDonald House Charities (everywhere) for being a safe island for your families in need.

looking for the reason

I´m looking for a season,

to have a reason to begin,

There´s everything after and things before me,

There´s things I have seen and heard,

Couldn't quite make out all the words,

I stand here staring at the birds in the morning,

Red sky take warning to the seas,

I keep on saying what I wanted  and what I thought about everything,

Sometimes I wake up in a sweat and my heart beating,

Time has passed me by, I´m almost 45 and still have dreams,

Am I still living life like I wanted to or am I still searching for whats true,

Into the skies I see the perfect blue to me and the clouds go by to lead my way...

Decided

 The decision to divide may come as a surprise,

but every single day its what the media tries to do,

they think we are dumb and will follow the junk that we hear and see on the screen of the media machine,

Republican or Democrat, Right Wing or Left, he said or she said, reality is dead,

What ever happened to United We Stand Divided We Fall,

What has happened to the United as we are all now divided and have decided to hate anyone that doesn't think like us,

Is it how we are raised or the things we hear our parents say,

is it the teachers that try to indoctrinate,

is it the universities that push the hate,

Don´t you dare speak up and say what you feel because the last thing today's society wants is something that is real,

Pronouns and sticks and stones, whatever happened to the strengthening of the soul,

Do I care about your business if it doesn't have an effect on me or my family or my small circle of friends that care about me?

Billions of people and everyone is different but at some point we will all have to meet in the middle and quit with all this negative pit me against you bullshit!

Home Sweet Home

 Free verse and never rehearsed,

Channeling from the 1970s paneling and stories of the universe,

To the memories of the decades and the emotions from the recordings of the energies,

Things are looking confusing you see,

A shadow in the corner might be a residual from history,

Could it be something I always see,

The 3am power surges are getting kinda annoying to me,

Maybe there was tragedy or the happiness from all the holidays seen,

The land could be a native scene where there was foraging and ceremonies,

Chanting in the evening wind from underneath the pine outside,

Maybe a sign and that´s fine,

We need these little things to humble our minds,

Even the wood grain is speaking to me,

The cellar was a winery through the prohibition debauchery,

The river was so close you see,

That smuggling it had to be,

The hums and the whispers and the feel of cats whiskers,

From the families before that shared this same floor,

Its fun to think of the conversations had right beside of me,

That i´ll never see, but will always be a part of history,

Ornate woodwork and windows so old that they look like a frosty waterfall,

Tell tales of renovations through the last one score and two years connected to a century,

Appreciation of the generations that kept it up and insured that it´d be left with me,

I´m thankful that there is a roof over me and my family,

I will make sure to share the love and keep it up,

In 77 years she´ll be standing in her second century,

Along with my personal Liberty Tree and the original grape vines from the Italian family history,

Appreciation of everything that molds the future,

Is nothing short of the life miracle suture,

If we all hold it together,

We will all live on forever... 

Rejuvenation 48

Positivity is never a given to me,

I try and I try to get the positive vibe,

Sometimes it misses and does not provide,

Seaking the need for the happiness seed we do many things that will likely impede,

Who´ll take the lead, will it be the regular me or the me that´s left speaking for the whole world to see,

Eventually ill find it there is no doubt in that,

But when the positive strays its like mental combat,

Ill be looking for that and most times ill find the reason that I let myself drift,

The searching the needing for the infectious laughs of the looking in class,

You feel like you´re caged in and everyone laughs,

But even behind the glass your mind can relax and bring back the light that was shut out in the confusion of the illusion of the backwards depression session that led you into a personal recession,

You see it again and its coming in like a flight from nowhere and where you never have been,

but its familiar again, the light starts to focus to let your life shine again,

there is no looking back because the fact of the matter is you are past all of that,

You see clearly and feel like you´re new and for all those that know you they see you again,

With big smiles they approach you and ask where have you been,

The darkness my friends, the confusion and overwhelming myself had set in,

Its okay though, I am my own sunrise and to be the real me I don´t need no disguise,

The ones that know me have seen me fall and rise and have been there again with open arms and welcome backs to the now again you can thrive,

The me that was missing is now coming back,

I hope youre still with me it was quite black,

You believed in my energy and all that I could give,

That makes me happy to know we all give,

Its mine and your right to brighten the light of all of the darkness brought on by fright,

Just be there for me and ill be there for you and forever we´ll conquer the whatever together...

Frustration Nation

Take it or leave it,

You don´t have to believe it or grieve it or backtrack and retrieve it,

Walking it back to the round robin regret,

The strangest looks from the marionette that makes the bet on where to go next,

Its outrageous the courageous and the ways that they train us,

The brainwashing of the masses and the smashing of the glasses,

Reintroduced to the incoming trances that enhances the chances of regarding the leaders as nothing but asses. 

The brackets the rackets their protected by the cashes of the richest who control the population of the nation with a scaring intention of rhetorical convention,

The invention of the newest dimension from the deepest of pits in the fiery detention,

Their screaming in haste that leaves a bad taste and then without warning its all been a waste,

Say it to my face if you have a true case if not back off and crawl away through the swamps of your mind bending thought and you're only capable of growing black crop, 

Mic drops, the end of the night becomes a contentious and disastrous flop, and all that´s left is to mop up the cruel intentions left by scientists midnight drive to thin out the population and only leave the selected few alive,

Taking into contention the abbreviations of inoculations that stick like a dart in the flesh of the many, is it too late or can the rest be saved or systematically and corporately enslaved,

Don´t worry about the blow-back from the parties that claim they got your back, both are at war with each other and could give a crap about the middle man the poor in this land, its about the wealthy and the pockets they pad,

You've been had, don´t be sad if it happens all over again not my bad, you ask your dad if everything is okay while hes stocking up on shells for when it all goes the wrong way,

What can I say there were warnings but nobody cared when the checks flowed like hornets into the hands of the people across the land, they got the shaft and the government laughed as they knew they were ready to cut off your hands,

Lets keep this a thought whether we like it or not, we need to fight back and push back the rotten before 

we´re all forgotten in a land that was always the gold standard of freedom and the American dream, it´d be nice to cure all of this with a deep primal scream!

The At Bat (Catharsis)

 As most of the people who know my family are aware, my daughter was diagnosed with late stage Cancer at the young age of 14.  She had been tired for a long time and just not acting the same.  She went to see the doctor multiple times and after months of no answers, we finally heard the dreaded words that no parent wants to hear. ¨Your daughter has cancer¨

Some back story on my daughter.  She was always a very competitive and powerful pitcher and hitter in baseball and in softball wherever she played on the field you would never want to test her arm.  Shortly after she was cut from the modified team, which was an absolute shock, as she was in the top 5 of all female student athletes in her school and in softball hands down.  She worked her ass off just for a couple mediocre coaches to pic kids with connections over her.  Her friends said she did awesome at the tryouts and they were just as surprised.  I mention this because this was right before we found out she had cancer, so even with the struggles she was having with her body she still gave it everything she had.  

I remember being extremely frustrated and a reaction I have never had came out and I punched a wall that immediately gave me a broken hand.  I could not feel the pain through the anger of my daughter being screwed over by the coach that she had learned to trust and admire.  

Fast forward a couple years after an incredible fight against cancer.  My daughter was invited to be a honorary member of the Alfred University Softball team.  This was one of the best D3 teams in the nation at the time with some incredible players and an amazing coaching staff.  They allowed her to take some swings against some heat throwing pitchers and even after what cancer had done to her she still had that drive to be the best.  She was able to hit off of these pitchers (not bombs, but good contact).

Another fast forward.  My daughter was now back at school, but still struggling with an abundance of issues caused by the very poison that saved her life.  She worked extremely hard to make the Varsity softball team at her high school and she had a coach that cared about all of his players.  She had not had an at bat in a couple years and she was ready, trust me.  The team was getting beat pretty bad and it was in the later innings, the pitcher for the other team was on fire.  Finally I see my daughter grab a helmet and her bat.  My heart started pounding and my emotions grabbed me up and consumed me in this moment.  Everything was in slow motion.  She gets up to the batters box and the pitch comes in, she hits it hard and it flies deep to left field about ten feet away from the wall it as caught in the air and she was out.

After the out I was crying along with my wife, not because she got out, but because she was able to do something that she never thought she would be able to do again just a couple years prior.  Coming from near death and a plethora of issues she endured, she was able to swing that bat and hammer the ball into the outfield.  As she was going back to her dugout I met her at the entrance where we embraced and I cried like a baby.  While in this embrace I looked up and seen her coach near third base wiping tears from his eyes.  If I could explain the feeling at that point in time, I would, but I honestly can´t.  NEGU was and is a part of our lives.  Never Ever Give Up!  That at bat was the most important of her life and will always be remembered as the day she stepped back up to the plate after beating late stage cancer.  Just like she smacked that ball she smacked cancer and is now 23 and living her life in college.  I love her and the drive she has to succeed no matter what.

Catharsis (Senior Night)

The feelings that I had running through me were both real and artificial due to the many painkilling chemicals I had running through my body.  I remembered the week before at my son´s football game thinking that is was senior night, which is usually a great moment for parents and the student athletes alike, but for me it was much different.  I could barely walk with my cane and I was at the highest weight I had ever been do to many different factors.  At this particular time I was suffering with a severe chronic infection in my legs.  My legs were destroyed and all of the nerve endings were exposed.  Just feeling a breeze across my legs would bring me to tears.  Turned out that senior night was the following week and once I heard that I felt relieved, because I´m not sure if I would have been able to walk the field with my son.  I just was not physically able and more than that, I was not mentally prepared.  I was worried about the pain, but even more so what everyone would think when they seen this big fat guy with wrapped legs and a cane struggling to walk 40-50 yards with his son.

Please understand that I was going through a very tough time physically and emotionally and had my own demons to battle each second I was awake.  So the next week comes and its senior night, but this time it was 100% senior night.  I remember thinking to myself at home how proud I was of my son, but at the same time I had this very dark feeling of being seen as weak and pathetic.  This was trumping my feelings for my sons senior night, which now I feel horrible for thinking that way, but at the same time my fears were warranted from my past experiences and how I was feeling physically.  I went from being the coach to the spectator and from sitting at the top of the stands to the very bottom because I just could not do the stairs anymore.

When it came time for all the parents to line up with their student athletes I was anxious, sweaty, in pain, on painkillers, and again worried about what people would think of me.  This was a very hard thing to go through and to most it may not seem like a big deal, but you had to be me at that particular time and situation to understand.  For years, as I have mentioned in a previous Catharsis post, I would hear people giggle, talk about my size, and I would be embarrassed at restaurants that only had booths available because I was too big to sit in them.

Back to the field, standing there in pain with my son I was feeling like I was a freak show, but I knew I had to walk with him.  It seemed like we were standing there forever in the staging area and I felt numerous times that I wasn't going to be able to stand much longer.  Then the names started being called in alphabetical order.  One after another parents were walking across the field with their student athlete, the closer it came to my sons name being called the more anxious I got and the more pain I felt.  My sons name was called and we started walking.  At that moment I could not feel pain, I was just looking at the smile on my sons face as he walked with his parents on senior night.  I hugged him and he went to the locker room to get ready for the game.  Walking back up to the stands I wanted to cry in pain and because I was so proud of my son.  It did not help at this time that my testosterone levels were shot and my emotions were all over.  Regardless, I did it!  If I wouldn't have I would have regretted it for a very long time. 

This is just a moment in time that I found out that I was much stronger than I felt.  What gave me strength was the love for my son and knowing that walking next to him was his mom and dad.  He seen it no other way, which I wish I could have beforehand.  Never let fear and pain overtake the love for your children.  Its not really a lesson, it was just a crappy time that I needed to share.  Many more to come, and don´t worry, they are going to get better, some worse, but ultimately better.  Thank you again for reading my blog, it truly means a lot.  Do not worry about the punctuation, or do, whatever.  Thank you :)

Because

“Once a love loses the ability to be jealous in any capacity, they lose the ability to love in depth and whole.  Lust, jealousy, infatuation, daydreaming the perfection of that love are all ingredients for the truest of love.  For this love to be solid and un-breaking, both must sacrifice regular emotions and succumb to the feelings that their love is special beyond all boundaries and must be treated as such.  Without maintenance from the heart the building will soon fall into disrepair.”

Something about me (Catharsis)

 I haven't told a ton of people about the struggles I went through over the past few years.  There are a lot of things I have kept to myself out of fear of judgement.  I have been a big man for the majority of my life and have always been gawked at or discluded from things because of my size.  From having children point and laugh to people calling me fat or whispering hurtful things under their breath without having any clue about me, the human they are picking on or calling names.

This may come as a surprise to some that I have been in this situation, because for the people that know me well, they know I am kind and would do anything I can to help someone in need, even if I have nothing.  I consider myself a very simple person with a very small circle of trust.  Sometimes even your circle can close in on you and make you feel uncomfortable, but those should be the people that you can talk to and work anything out with.

I am not looking for any type of sympathy in any way shape or form, but what I am doing is sharing my experiences and how I was made to feel during certain situations.  A lot of these situations have been based around my size alone and others around the health issues I have fought over the past few years.  When I say hurtful i´m talking about a direct hit to the heart and soul of who I am.  Some of these things I will talk about will sound very minuscule to some, but for those that have been in my shoes and those who have been in the shoes of the aggressor, they will know exactly what i´m talking about.

This is just an introduction to what I hope will turn out to be a very positive and enlightening experience for all who read this.  It is my hope that by sharing a lot of the situations that I have been in and or seen others go through will open the eyes and hearts of everyone who shares in the emotions of hurt and the feeling of enlightenment.

Thank you for reading this intro to what I intend to be not only a good read, but something beautiful as well.

Have a great day!  Love yourself and then focus on the ones that make you feel loved.

The Driver of Your

Sensational and Inspirational,

To the senses we choose to keep full,

Its not a hard decision to think with precision,

Its not like you're trying to reinvent the wheel,

We wake up and automatically know how we feel,

Take the world into your mind,

Amazing things you will find your kind,

Where there is no forward or behind and if you choose you can always rewind,

Today is your day and there is nobody that can take that away,

For in your mind you are the master of your journey,

Where its perfectly fine to represent yourself without an attorney,

Take your time to make your own story and this will show you your personal glory,

Keep out the negative and the thieves of your happiness,

Your time is your time and that is the greatest of strengths and all that you need,

You are your own destiny of all things you seek,

Sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes, but you are not weak and everyone knows,

Stick to your belief in everything good,

Block out the negative like everyone should,

You can do this you´ve made it this far,

You are your own chauffeur in your ¨its my life¨ car... 

You chose

 People need to know someone will listen.  You can only provide so much foundation until a person decides whether they want a mansion or a ditch.  We either value that we are alive or get busy feeling sorry for ourselves and focus on dying instead of living, because if you're still alive after or during hard times...that means you chose to live and that you have a worth to yourself and others!

The sight

No matter what race, color, or creed,

The simple fact is that everyone bleeds,

You may think differently than me,

But that doesn´t mean a thing,

If you love it and believe it 

we all can achieve it,

The positivity of togetherness,

If its good for the rest of us,

Some served and some didn't 

And others don´t get it,

The symbol for me may not be the symbol for you,

But i´ll still have your back because you´re human too,

The violence unneeded 

Some hearts are depleted,

Its those who need positivity seeded,

Think of a time when someone helped you,

And you thought to yourself, what would you do?

In the case of the man that seen I was stranded,

It didn't matter to him that I was disbanded,

A heathen he thought at first glance of me,

But the kindness in him threw no judgement you see,

He gave me a drink and even a dollar, 

So I could call home and give my dear mom a holler,

She told me to thank him, which I already did,

When I said thank you to him and what is your name,

He said no names needed here kid you´d have done the same,

The simple encounters of everyday man 

May one day save you so be good while you can...

Its your call

Scale the wall,

try not to fall,

get on the other side and you´ll have it all,

don´t ignore the call the talent we all saw.

take your time and do it right,

you´re not a fly by night,

you have a gift you have a sight,

There will never be success if you don´t fight,

Respect the people around you that support you,

reject the ones that try to distort you,

wake up every morning knowing you´re in,

you´re in another day, so let it begin,

the first breath you take of the morning air,

it can wash away the pain and start your self care,

don´t be like a beadle be like a bear,

You are your chauffeur of your own dreams and ambition,

Make your own path your own life tradition,

don´t be blind and hand out ammunition to the haters of all,

just keep pushing forward and let them take the fall,

you got what it takes and no one can take it,

you got this kid,

you´re gonna make it!  

My mind my time

Control the shadows in the corner,

Its your time to make the order,

Its up to you to make yourself or break yourself,

Fight through the demons that cling to your back,

Tell them to get off and disappear into their darkness!

You have to shed the hate and the fear and just renew who you are,

the path is yours but its up to you!

Its up to you to use your strengths that you keep to yourself,

Its up to you to make your path clear and push the obstacles off to the side,

They aren´t welcome to go on this ride,

Too long you've had to abide by the rules of everything around you,

Now you are realizing you are the rules that allow you!

Don´t let the fools with the fake personas control the life you deserve!

We all know they live off of credit cards and lies,

 and only hang out with their buddies their guys,

My last name is not made for ¨Itty¨ and I don´t ever want to fit into their committee,

These are the ones that raise their kids to think their better than their neighbor or their classmate that has the same assignment to make the grade for the state!

Back off with all that popularity crap! They are trying to step on everyone that is not in their pay-grade,

Its like you need bug spray for morons who think they have the jump on you because their kid starts with the talent-less genes of the masking of the painful means,

Their not special in any way!  They are like us but are afraid to say!

Take your neighbors hand and show them the way,

The way to the place where all our kids play,

no judgement, no fighting, no green screen to pretend you're in flight,

You know who you are trying to win the votes, 

You know who you are with the big fancy boats,

You throw out your lies and see to if we´ll bite,

and hopefully you have caught your limit by the end of the night,

How is that right?  Does that make you better to know that your deceptive ways have only made waves in your little spot where if you're nothing you're not! 

Your path you took early has ended in rot!

Its up to you, yeah what do you got!

Take all your talents and put them together and get your ass going on a personal endeavor,

This is for me to make what I can, If nobody likes it ill stick to the path,

The views that I get,

 about the words that I say,

 will hopefully inject everyone with hope and motivate,

I've been in the darkness and now I am out,

Its up to you to stand up and shout ¨Hey i´m Here!¨,

I faced death and beat it, 

I ate the pills that were made to deleted it, 

but all it really did was open the drain,

I threw in the plug and started my journey,

I´ll never go back to that place its too dirty,

Yes I can rant and bitch and complain because i´m a new man and i´m here to lay claim!

Its up to me, the Taurus.

yes soon they'll all adore us,

and pull themselves out,

to see that there is life when you carry no doubts..

Intentionality

The propensity for intensity,

Is nothing short of what we see,

Is humanity reality or is it just catastrophe,

Indecency of equality brings out the demons for all the free,

Can’t we be what we see or even ever have what we need,

Do we bleed to simply breed or do we plant the sympathy seed,

Can’t imagine what would be if everyone had a visual plea,

Is it you or is it me the dawning of the life to be,

Taking back from what was had, 

There’s no reason for feeling bad,

I’m screaming inside,

The demons of pride,

The excuses of the evening died,

Breaking through the intention of your own inventions,

I’m dreaming in nightmares with exceptional intentions,

The view of what we see is nothing short of what’s to be,

Never mind the emptiness it’s up to us to forge the rest!

Sickened

 Redemption is the intention of no exception,

Take it or leave it or leave it to who ever believes in the resurrection,

Its just an extension of the the perception of attention,

The pages of the ages written by the unknown rages,

The people think they're free but are brought up in cages, 

The biggest illusion for all of the ages,

The mages slinging spells in intense blackout stages,

The reasons for the real and the war styles courageous,

Deceiving the disbelieving for indecent wages,

Reasons for achieving the battling courageous,

You won the biggest metal for a lifetime of nightmares,

Just hoping the people that appreciate your struggles actually care,

Never enough to thing things are fare,

You sit in the corner with a blank deadened stare,

Relieving the deceiving and others disbelieving,

The dreams that you once had are blackened and screaming,

The funny thing is that they all see the streaming,

But the deadness inside the orb spiders weaving,

Whats said and done inside me is leaving,

Its okay to be open about everyone grieving,

The what nots of this and that are retrieving,

The ultimate intention of the fire i´m breathing,

Its okay now the covid is leaving....

Arbor

The beauty of the trees that most will never see,

The wind against the branches and the needles advances the pine cone dances,

Cicadas all about and with their buzzing shout,

The liberty I get from that beautiful tree,

I talk to it and touch it and tell it I love it,

I watch the sap drip all from above,

That is the pine tar that sticks to the glove, 

The birds that are singing and nesting in that tree,

For over 120 years of it’s amazing history,

I sit underneath talking to the Cernunnos,

The protector of the the forest we have all before us,

There are many things that he will say,

Most of the time it’s simply just enjoy your day,

From under with the beautiful tree nymph Dryads,

We stare at the clouds and speak of the shapes,

The artistry of the gods and the masterpieces they make,

The peace and the quiet I get from that spot,

Is special to me whether you get it or not…

Could Would Can

Is there ever a better time than the time we have now,

Do we need to remember the why nots and what hows,

Can I look at the trees without being pleased,

Would you ever understand the tides of the seas,

Could we ever live life without the life givers the bees,

Do we know why or when, where, or how,

Does your sidewalk get covered by the passing snowplow,

Do you dig it back out for a trail for the cows,

Or do you follow the sheep like Little Bo Peep,

Is our morning coffee a life giving treat,

Why do we wear our shoes on our feet,

To walk on a street all clustered with cars,

To watch the enchanting midnight stars,

Do we have reasons for liking the seasons,

Or are we all just a bunch of realistic Heathens,

The moon and the sun,

The flowers that we see,

All of this is beautiful to me,

Can we agree to disagree on the most simple of issues,

Or do we keep going and hand out some tissues,

Does Mickey Mouse make everyone smile,

Or do most think it’s better to ponder a while,

Did the Egyptians ever sink their thoughts in the Nile,

Was it ever accepted to give a sieg heil,

Or was it a trend, oh just for a while,

Do people get mad when the styles are changing,

Or do we partake in the frantic rearranging,

All we know now is the times they are changing,

But that’s not for me,

I’m comfortable exchanging,

The thoughts may be different in everyone’s mind,

But we’ll do this together,

Because were one of a kind…

Morning

 Its the morning,

No red sky no warning,

The peepers they peep and the cicadas start singing,

The bees are about,

They like my strong coffee,

It will sting them if they don´t back the F off me,

Not really, I like them,

they bring us the beauty,

of the earth and the flowers we stare at for hours,

I smell the morning air with a hint of fertilizer,

It doesn't bother me it just makes me wiser,

I look at the world in so many ways,

And all I can say is I hope it all stays,

The silence the sounds,

they're all the same thing,

I love the start to this amazing morning,

I hear the birds now and they are a singing,

Its better they do than me id be whaling,

Sitting in the sounds of silence,

no signs of the worlds violence,

it puts me in a trance to have a never ending dance,

The perception of beauty as all of our own,

Have a good day and enjoy the silence of the morn...

Regiven

 Extending their hand to the masses,

not making them get off of their asses,

looking for nothing but their free passes,

The others we do the work,

so all of the others can mooch off the people elected to cheat you,

Don´t accept a free handout,

it makes you a standout,

and a puppet to the machine that will drain your pockets clean,

It may sound mean to those that haven't seen the fallout from the call out,

They'll get you no doubt,

Exposing yourself to the weakness of now,

Not even caring to even learn how,

They'll promise the world in the beginning,

because their goal is just winning,

Then they will lie and they'll cheat and cut of your feet

for taking whatever they've given,

everybody needs to see that without each other were weak,

together we can take the land back and see if forgiving is still part of living,

We are the power that rebuilt the towers,

we are the peasants that broke away from a king,

we are the people and that should mean something,

especially for those that came back to nothing,

United we stand, 

Divided we fall,

this is the country that overcomes all...

Journey to the Void

 I seen myself laying there with my legs all f*cked up,

looking again I seen the mutilation, 

that caused the pain and the burning sensation,

the pain became worse with the nephropathy´s thirst,

so I took more and more until I was numb to the core,

Id pop them and crush them,

snort them and rush them into my brain,

where it started to turn me insane,

I stayed up nights sleepless and worked clay with my hands,

I would search the web for videos of bands,

Id cover the mirror to rid the vision of inferior,

Death became a game and came calling my name,

I didn't care if he took me or not,

Id snort more and would drift to the places I needed,

to steal the grip of realities trip,

but after a while I ran out of it,

A drug so deceiving it leaves your mind weaving,

and if id continued my friends and family´d be grieving,

I cared about no one, especially myself,

or so I thought with the white pills help,

I sat on the edge of my bed and was crying,

I felt that was it I was actually dying,

My family my friends they cared and they pleaded,

for me to get the help that I seriously needed,

I finally went to get help,

to the place that I needed,

there I excised the demons I seeded,

In just a short time I started to see,

That my journey wasn't over thanks you trinity,

I couldn't see family and could only talk to them briefly,

In a room by myself I read a good book,

that kept my mind off of that hell that I took,

I checked myself out where my family was waiting,

and began my new life without destroying my meaning,

It took a long time to heal and actually feel better,

I got back to work and was better than ever,

With the voices of the friends and the family I love,

Their hands altogether gave me that shove,

Back to reality I went with no looking back,

now Im sharing this void,

this time not enjoyed,

dont feel sorry for me,

Im here and I see,

the future is bright,

I am my own light,

never to be snuffed again,

by the crushed powder dragon,

that once snuck me in,

okay, thats enough,

its time to begin...   

Urgency

The expectation of reincarnation is waning,

The thoughts and the worries are utterly draining,

You can only hear so much about the training of the mind and the explanation of time before we figure out our lives are simply a hilarious crime,

Of humanity the sanity, 

Can raise the deep questions of the urgency of life and all the exceptions,

There’s not much time in this life to act on your passions, 

But we are forced to be in tune to the ridiculous fashions,

Emergency now,

The urgency is here,

The only thing stopping you is your own fear,

If you don’t do it soon,

You’ll never know,

Just do it dammit!

Don’t be late to the show!

Urgency is real and there never is timing,

It’s all in the mind,

And we think too much,

The worries about others can’t be a crutch,

Do it now or be dreaming forever,

Until your last breath you think of whatever,

The urgency of life is light like a feather,

Take that step, 

Out of your zone,

Do something now to make life your own…

Believe in the what

 Hey, hows it goin,

I cant tell by the look you're showin,

yuh better think twice before you break the ice,

If you cant swim that wont be nice,

The water you need,

The humans lay seeds,

The seasonal transition of the unfortunate bleeds,

The people pray to steeples with no answer back,

Get your head straight there aint no one god lookin back,

If there was would the pain be so insane from the family hes slain,

Or the cancer and diseases he spreads on our lands,

He reduces populations and puts fear into nations,

With all of the feeling and dread filled sensations,

The earth, now that is power,

It beckons to our needs every waking hour,

It showers the masses,

And fills our glasses.

Even after your messiah has kicked your asses,

Take notice in the trees, the oceans, the wind, the fire, the lighting, and the stars we gaze in,

Its these energies we should believe and never will we plead,

Take your thoughts and your differences and settle with kindness,

This is the way we end the blindness,

To put all the fears and the hate,

 FOREVER behind us!

Thoughts

Your thoughts,

My thoughts,

His thoughts,

Her thoughts,

Some thoughts,

All thoughts,

No thoughts,

Together thoughts,

Forever thoughts,

And even some never thoughts,

Good thoughts,

Bad thoughts,

Happy thoughts,

Mad thoughts,

The thoughts of the brain can be intense and insane,

Sometimes our thoughts get us pumped for the game,

No thoughts the same,

No thoughts are lame,

A thought is a thought no matter the lane,

You may have thought about that tree over there,

Does the tree think that you think about its powerful stance,

Does the trees thoughts of rain put it into a trance for a while,

Or does the tree think that rain is just cramping its style,

We can think of all thoughts as just thoughts and what nots,

But the true thoughts are still thoughts even if they are just long shots,

Short thoughts and quick thoughts can be as big as not yet thoughts,

As long as that thought is a thought,

that's what is counting and matters,

What are the thoughts of a bug before its life splatters,

Is the thought of the worm on the end of a hook,

Is it the same as the fish from its aromas it took,

They all are amazing,

Even thoughts from a cow when they are out grazing,

I know I will think and have thoughts forever,

Its been fun talking about our true thoughts endeavor,

I know one things for sure,

My thoughts will be clever forever….